We now live in a world where we can no longer stand within striking distance of one another. It makes me reminisce about simpler times. Simpler times like all the way back to 1993, the year the film Striking Distance starring Bruce Willis was released.
The Rowdy "Road House" Herrington unheralded masterpiece?! You don't remember it? Herrington directed the Patrick Swayze classic Road House and is from Pittsburgh and then he directed Striking Distance which is set in Pittsburgh and stars Bruce Willis as Tom Hardy. Got it? You're all caught up.
Wait a minute?!
Let's figure this out.
Here we go!
Pittsburgh Cop Tom Hardy
He has his cousin and partner, Murphy Brown’s handyman, arrested for murder.
And then jumps off a bridge and dies...so we think!
Years later Tom is now an alcoholic and drives a boat protecting the peace on Pittsburgh's three rivers with his new partner, Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City.
Tom Sizemore, fresh out of Celebrity Rehab shows up, and...
Tom McClane Hardy saves the day.
Is history destined to repeat itself? Will the actual Tom Hardy begin starring in direct to Redbox movies like the fictional Tom Hardy? Am I overthinking this? Is it a bad thing? I mean Bruce Willis probably only works 20 days a year making 4 movies and at $1 million dollars a day....that's $20 million!!! Why am I not just rewatching Road House for the billionth time? I know why? Because I want to take a deeper look at the filmography of one Bruce Willis and see if it resembles the future for Tom Hardy. It's like the direct to Redbox version of Looper starring...Bruce Willis. My nose is bleeding.
Here we go.
B Dubs, Fiddy and Ryan Phillippe are in a movie together, but will there will be a Tom Hardy starring sequel titled Setup 2: Upset? Stranger things have happened.
Bruce with hair, Forrest Whitaker with a badge and other people in a movie. Perhaps the sequel script was delivered to Tom Hardy with the title page reading...Catch .45. Perhaps.
Fire With Fire
Haven't seen it...yet...but it exists. It exists!!! Will a sequel exist that stars Tom Hardy titled Fire With Fire 2: This Time With More Fire?! We shall see.
Bruce and The Punisher star in a movie together. That's worth wondering if it's any good. Is it? Watch it and let me know before there's a sequel that might star Tom Hardy titled Vice 2: This Time in Miami, But Don't Call It Miami Vice For Legal Reasons.
I watched this one. Yep. It's a movie...but will the sequel or reboot star Tom Hardy and will it be called The Prince, Too?! Only time will tell.
I didn't see this movie, but if Tom Hardy eventually stars in Extraction 2: Missed a Piece, I'll check this one out.
The Saved By The Bell episode we deserve, people. Bruce might finally teach Zach Morris the lesson that Principal Belding never could! I'm already looking forward to Tom Hardy costarring as the RA in Precious Cargo 2: The College Years.
Will we one day see Tom Hardy appear in Marauders 2: Still Marauding?
Once Upon a Time in Venice
This is like John Wick meets The Whole Nine Yards. If you like that description, check it out...or wait for Tom Hardy to star in Once Upon a Time in Venice: Chapter 2......maybe. (Probably not.)
"You were the chosen one!" - Obi Wan KenoBWillis
Are we destined for First Kill: The First Kill Awakens starring Tom Hardy?!
Acts of Violence
There are so many of these movies with Bruce Willis. It's amazing. Can we count on Tom Hardy making an appearance in More Acts of Violence?!
Seriously, they keep going! Is Tom Hardy going to be the villain in the prequel, Reprisal 2: Preprisal?!
What?! Will we eventually see Tom Hardy star in Air Strike 2: Ground Strike?!
10 Minutes Gone
For the longest time I would talk about the Die Hard sequel I wanted to see made. I titled it Old Habits Die Hard and it would star Bruce Willis and Michael Chiklis as John McClane's brother. They would be at a McClane family bbq. Bring back Holly. Have the daughter and son there, why not? Uh oh! Bad guys show up. Boom! Explosions! Wise Cracks! Credits.
This isn't that movie.
But will there be a Tom Hardy vehicle titled 10 Minutes Gone 2: One More Minute, Please.
Is Tom Hardy destined for Trauma Center 2: Trauma Centerer? Trauma Center 3: Trauma Drama Mama?!
So yeah, I wrote a long article all centered around the coincidence that Bruce Willis played a character with the name Tom Hardy and that there is a movie star named Tom Hardy, but if I wrote about how there's a movie star named Edward Norton and a character from The Honeymooners named Ed Norton would you have made it this far?
Wait a minute!
Edward Norton was on the Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis! He was the highlight of the whole event. Tom Hardy probably has cable and gets Comedy Central! It's all starting to make sense! It's all connected!!
Now I have to write a novel about this before Dan Brown.
Dan Brown wrote The Da Vinci Code....but that's another story.
While you wait for that to happen just follow the best advice that John McClane received at the beginning of Die Hard...make fists with your toes.